PDA

The phrase ‘Public display of affection’ has been in the bad dictionaries for quite some time now. PDA according to internet searches dealt with touching, kissing, holding hands, nuzzling etc. But, actually, affection is a gentle feeling of love or care for another person. That is all!

I recently read an article about a small boy at the Matunga railway station, Mumbai. He had been standing there at the railway station holding a 3 times bigger umbrella for a long time. A girl who was very curious about what he was up to, walked close to him. He looked at her and asked, ‘Do you need to walk somewhere?’. The girl was covered till her hip in a raincoat but still said yes. The boy opened the umbrella and walked with her till the closest bus stand. The girl was surprised and enquired why he was doing so. The boy just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. The girl further asked if he would take some money in return of the favor, but he replied saying ‘I am not doing it for money. It just feels good. If at all, I feel like, I would ask them to buy me a cup of chaai.’ The girl offered to get him a cup of tea and a few biscuits but he rejected saying that, she hadn’t used his service fully and ran away back towards the station.

Another article from the internet runs in the similar line. A guy (a muslim, who was on the fast for Ramzan) reached the main bus terminus after a long tiring travel from his office, in an overcrowded bus. It was time for him to finish the fast but had forgotten his pack of dates and water bottle at office. Thirst pricking him so hard, having no other choice, hesitantly, he walked towards the "Amma drinking water" counter and bought a bottle of water. His eyes fell on a old lady who was lying there on the platform, struck by poverty and hunger. "Can I buy you some food?" The guy asked the old lady to which she replied "Can you just get me some water? I am thirsty." This guy gave off the unopened bottle of water to her and boarded his next bus, contended, completely forgetting his fast and thirst. Just after the bus started, another guy (an unknown muslim) sat next to him saying, "As-salamu alaykum. Come on brother, let us finish our fast" and handed over to him an unopened box of dates and a new bottle of water.

There are instances when we do get the smallest favor which ends being the savior of our day.

For instance, just think of the day, when...

- You are few feet away from your bus and you listen to the conductor’s whistle. You are running to catch it but you are pretty sure that you would miss it and somebody holds the bus for you.
- You are getting off a vehicle or any public transport amidst heavy traffic and someone frees your apparel that was clinging to a nail or a projection out of the vehicle which had started moving.
- You are having trouble in standing in an overcrowded bus and someone offers you their seat assessing your discomfort.

Caring for a fellow human being is the most humane thing anyone can do. Whether you know the person or not, does not matter but showing a bit of care or courtesy would bring a great impact on your day and the other person’s as well. That simple gesture or deed could be the reason behind someone’s happiness.

I have been displayed affection publicly.

Recently, we moved into a new apartment and our home was at the third floor. I am not advised to climb too many stairs as my breath control isn’t intact. Few days before, when I got back from work, I noticed that the lift wasn’t working properly as the door wasn’t closed. A resident of the ground floor apartment understood my hesitation and swiftly barged up the stairs and closed the door so that I could take the lift.

I have displayed affection publicly.

I always see a middle aged guy, who works for the municipality when I leave to work. We share a casual glance at each other every day. One day, when I crossed him, I noticed that he had dug into the garbage and was rubbing his hands off a towel that hung from his belt. He occasionally smelled his hands; the look on his face spoke his difficulty and disgust. I suggested him to cover his hands with a plastic cover so that it wouldn’t get into his nails and kept walking. He said, it didn’t help and kept rubbing his hands and smelling them. I stood there for a few seconds, walked right back to him and offered my water can to wash his hands. He readily took the offer. The contented look that I noticed on his face stays in my memory till date.

So, Public Display of 'Affection' is good and necessary too!!

Poverty

I was walking towards the bus terminus after a long exhaustive day at work.

Not that I had a colored-collar job, but being a software engineer also exhausts us; mentally. People talk about the ease of working as an IT professional; full time AC, good salary, posh environment etc. There are a lot more complications in this job which can be understood only by people who live through it.

Though there are multiple buses that go to the terminus a kilometer away from my residence, I prefer taking this bus as it goes close to my home. This bus comes once an hour and is mostly crowded. It is also an economy bus.

I was startled by a loud scream from a kid close by. I looked around and saw poverty stricken people sitting at the corner of the terminus. They were new comers to the locality. There were few male and female members, few kids and an infant. All of them looked very confused. The male members continued to talk among themselves which seemed like they were trying to decide where to go then.

The infant continued to scream at the top of its voice. It had been screaming for more than a few minutes then. But the lady who was carrying the infant seemed to be less worried. She tried patting and swaying it a few times but did not try further.

“Hello” I heard someone close speak at the top of their voice. It distracted me.

“I am waiting for the bus. I will be there in half an hour or so. Wait for me.” The lady conveyed her message and cut the call not waiting for any response. She turned around looked at me and people close by and understood that she had spoken too loud. A small smile crept up her face. There were many people at the terminus by then. Few hawkers went about selling their stuff. The dusk was approaching and sun was very mild.

It suddenly struck me that the infant had stopped screaming. I turned around to check if the lot had moved. The lady who was holding the baby had covered its face partially. I assumed that she was feeding it. After a few minutes, a slow wind scooped up dust blew and it made me turn my face again towards the side where the lady was sitting. The wind had moved the cover over the baby’s face too.

I was shocked.

The lady was holding a piece of brick to the baby mouth. Yes, brick; a piece of the one that is used in construction. The baby continued to lick and suck it as though it was very much used to it. I was so baffled. Tears pooled my eyes. I walked towards a roadside shop, got few packs of biscuits and paid for them. I also located my bus at a distance.

I walked back into the terminus, straight to the lady and lent her a pack of biscuits; my eyes stuck to the baby. I handed over the remaining packets to the kids. The lady’s eyes looked at me in pain. I could see that she was trying to convey that she wasn’t doing it on purpose. I moved away and boarded my bus.

Luckily, the bus was empty and I got a seat to rest. I just then identified that I had been shivering and pouring down with sweat, unusual for that time of the evening. Tears trickled down my cheeks and something hard rolled up to my throat. I felt so stuffed up. I had already started bothering about the baby’s next food.
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Poverty.

India's daughter - Nirbhaya!

Nirbhaya had been in the air for quite some time. People had been talking, complaining, arguing over the incident since then. One of the rapists committed suicide; 4 of them have been sentenced to death and the other juvenile accused was given 3 years of imprisonment – maximum as per the juvenile laws.

We have spoken over and over about the incident and most of us know the intricate details of it. Many of us had followed the case day in and day out. So, the 'India's daughter' video would be just a recap of the tragic event. We could want a different sentence, amendments or response from the Supreme Court. Whatever it is, I personally have a soft corner towards the family and the girl. More than all, the ban on this video is just going to complicate things.

The interview of one of the accused had been out a few days before. He feels that a girl should not fight back when she is being raped. He states that only housekeeping and household chores are for girls. These are the most ridiculous statements that I have ever heard. Fighting back is the instant reaction that anyone would pick when something against their preference happens. Be it at home or out. When the negative feeling is at the highest, say during a rape, we obviously would react. Don’t we spank the mosquito when it bites us? Do we just try to shoo it away? Reacting is the instant reaction. Housekeeping and household chores could be a woman’s job by her choice not by compulsion. I am not against full-time homemakers; but that needs to be by her choice. Nobody has the right to compel her to stay back home.

I would like to go over the statements of the defense lawyers of this case.

Mr. A.P. Singh is ready to burn his daughter alive in front of his relatives, if she causes disgrace to the family by involving in premarital activities. Why does going to a movie with a male friend with the consent of the parents have to bring disgrace to the family? Who is giving him the right to burn his daughter alive?

Mr. M.L. Sharma accepts that India has the best culture and there is no space for woman? Without women where is the society? Why can’t a guy and girl remain friends? Doesn’t he talk to his female colleagues? Aren’t there any women at all in his team and batch? Why does friendship have to depicted or portrayed as a physical relationship?

When Mr. Sharma says, as a part of our culture we do not let our girls go out of house after 6:30 or 7:30 PM, why did Gandhi say “The day a woman can walk freely at midnight on the roads, that day we can say that India achieved independence”. We can easily state that he had mentioned that statement for the law and order conditions that prevailed then. But Gandhi always wanted women to stand equal to men in three platforms – education, trade and public service.

Brigham Young said, “You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation”.

So many leaders and activists have emphasized on women education and equality. It establishes the importance and necessity of it. If education is the thing that differentiates the people and their attitude towards women, then why are these lawyers not open minded? Has money become more important than a woman’s education?

As per words of other political and social leaders who have spoken about this rape case: (Shame to address them as leaders!!)

- They argue that it is fault of the man and woman. This could be an acceptable statement if the girl wasn’t properly dressed or provocative physically. Being a medical student and a very responsible daughter, we can easily assess her attitude.

- When it is a rape, how can a girl enjoy it? Then it is never a rape. Psychologically, if a girl is undergoing sexual activity which is not of her preference at that moment, be it with her actual partner or otherwise, her body reacts differently and she cannot enjoy the activity. It is not the same with a guy!

- How can rapes be accidental? Aren’t they intentional?

When people in a society’s high cadre (politics, law and spiritual) speak such nonsense, then listening to ridiculous statements from people who are from the lowest of it is not uncommon at all. So education and social status alone is not going to change this mindset. Educating the society could be a step in this process. But it is not the foremost. Creating a social awareness is the most important step.

Social awareness means to conduct camps and preach the necessity and importance of considering everyone as co-existing human beings and respecting their individuality. It means to counsel every individual to create a change in attitude irrespective of age, education, status and designation. This should happen to men and women but more consciously towards women to lay a strong foundation of courage and open mindedness so that they can guide the next generation.

Expecting a women friendly society at least for the generations to come!

Excellence & Perfection

How many of us know the actual difference between Excellence and Perfection?

As per the dictionary, Excellence means the quality of being outstanding or extremely good; Perfection means the condition, state or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects. Simply, Perfection means to be flawless.

When we do an activity at the best of our capability it is the process of excelling. We start taking care of minor details, emphasize on clarity of every minute detail. Excellence is attained gradually. As said by ‘Pat Riley’,

“Excellence is a gradual result of always striving to do better”.

When we analyze the quote above, it would mean the same even if few words were removed. For example: ‘always’ and ‘gradual’. But these two words add the emphasis to the quote. When we keep doing something again and again and want betterment in what we are doing, then we are in the process of pursuing excellence. Practice is the basis for it and continuous effort is the catalyst for the travel towards excellence. Most important of all, excellence becomes possible in the absence of excuses. As quoted by ‘Barack Obama’, the 44th President of the United States,

“We need to internalize the idea of excellence.”

Excellence has to come from within. The want of it must grow and bloom from inside. It cannot be searched outside. We must win ourselves in every possible instance. It has to become one’s attitude. Excellence does not mean to be the best; it means to do one’s best. As quoted by ‘Aristotle’,

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence therefore is not an act but a habit.”

Once excellence becomes a habit; once we have tasted and experienced it, we will never be content with mediocrity. Excelling can never be stressful. It will motivate oneself and will be gratifying and healthy. Yes, excellence does take enormous amount of effort and time but does not consume our inner charisma. It just adds more fuel to the fire thereby making the commute vigorous. When the process is eating up our charm, it means that we have moved our focus out of excellence.

Excellence and Perfection are used alternately. But there is a vast difference between the two. Perfection is a state that can never be achieved. It is something that does not exist. It is just an illusion and we can never attain it. For those who seek perfection, they will just find themselves unfulfilled throughout your life. Striving for perfection is demoralizing. As quoted by ‘Vince Lombardi’,

“Perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.”

Understanding that Perfection is not attainable, we can strive towards it with the aim to catch excellence. Chasing an imaginary goal could be tricky if the amount of sincerity and vigor in practice degrades. If the motive is not strong then the outcome is obviously vague. So, the quote of ‘Ronnie O’Sullivan’, might need a slight tweak.

“Looking for perfection is only way to motivate yourself.”
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Yes, it will motivate if we understand that it is an illusionary goal and
what we are pursuing will be ours before we reach the goal..!