Yes, This one is for you!

Your absence has gone through me...
Like a thread through a needle...
But everything I do, is stitched with its color...!
~ M.S. Merwin

There were days when I had felt so lonely..
Days when I longed to feel wanted.. Days when I hid myself from the world around..
Days when I run away from my duties.. Days when I opted out of my opportunities..
Days when days seemed longer and nights never ending..
Times when a couple close by would trigger a sense of jealousy..
Times when the sight of a pair would shoot up my temper..
Gang of friends making me feel hopeless..
Bonds creating a feeling of insecurity..

Hours, Minutes and seconds counting endlessly..

Gone are those days when I longed for your messages and calls.. Gone are those days when we used to chat and talk endlessly.
Now it feels weird when I have to talk or communicate with you...

Gone are those days when I used to find silly reasons to spend time with you.. Gone are those days when I used to save every penny to buy you a gift.
Now meeting you is a difficult task.. Then comes gifting, which is out of the option...

There were times when every second used to matter, as it corresponded with something to do with you.
There were times when every transit option used to matter, as it dealt with the time I spent with you.

There were times when I used to fight for a single non compliance, in anything; from replying to a message to being on time to buying gifts to viewing e-cards.
Now I'm thinking if I actually have to text you, remind you to view my card or even wait for my text's response.

There were times when I mishandled your heart, hurt it, stranded it with my words and thawed it with my temper. But they don't mean that I'm devaluing you and your presence is not needed..
Just that I am a human myself and I have my own mental hills, ridges and valleys...

I want to confess that,
Your absence is felt deeply and your presence is wanted...
Your voice is missed and your memories are relived...

I'm not in a state of mind to argue to prove myself or accept my flaws or pledge a forever bond and beyond.

I have my points and you would have yours!
I have my hiccups and you have yours!
I have my constraints and you have yours!
I have my expectations and you have yours!

But can't we mend beyond this crack?

I might not be the best person to maintain a relationship with but I think I'm not the worst.. I'm sure!
Am I? You have to tell me that!

I don't even know the impact of few incidents. I cannot count the number of hearts I have hurt.
But now, I'm lost. I'm trying to find a ray of hope in the forever darkness I'm submerged in.

Can you find me, please?

Last but not the least, I have only one thing to say..
.
.
.
To all the past relationships that I have lost..
.
.
.
I'm sorry! Please come back!