Mystery or Miracle

I have never had a good opinion on horoscopes and astrology. But I do, actually, strongly believe in destiny. Whatever is destined will happen for sure and whatever happens is always for good is my perception towards life and future. And I accept whole heartedly, that this perception evolved and wasn’t an overnight enlightenment.

Arranged marriage – seems to be a mystery for many people. But, I would address it as a miracle rather than using the term mystery. Even if it is mysterious, it is for sure in the happy sense.

I had been in the matrimony market for close to 2 years. Day in – day out, the talks at home would be only about calls received, interests sent, horoscopes given for match, horoscopes received from astrologer etc. It was a troublesome period for all of us. It was a stressful, painful, weird, awkward and irritating period.

And, one fine day, it happened.

Choooomantar...!

My mom called me during my office hours and said, she had received an interest-message from a guy who was registered in a leading matrimony site. I was just more than uninterested and told her that I would see it when I got back home. I approved it on the spot but was hesitant about a positive response from the other side. We spoke over the phone to break the ice and later met in the presence of our parents, on a Saturday, in a temple. The horoscope matching happened and succeeded after a lot of twists. And 4 weeks later, I was engaged to him. In a month, my two year struggle came to an end.

Two states – a very successful novel by Chetan bhagat. The book explains the complications of love marriages in India. But I personally feel that, ‘complications’ apply to arranged marriages as well. Though, arranged marriages have been customized and moulded as per current trends, the complexities are still manifold.

Starting from the likes, dislikes, perceptions, views of the couple, everything – every single thing – is placed abruptly on the table – like a shuffled pack of cards. Every card is like an unseen, unknown angle. As days pass, each member in the family understands these angles.

Such a complicated phase..!

Choooomantar...!

What if these angles are all the same between both the families?

What if there are no complexities?

No unknown perspectives?

No unhandled exceptions?

No unseen differences?
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What are such twists called?

Mystery? Miracle?

Sexual abuse - my perception

Abuse could have become a very frequently used term, at least in the near past. But when we try to place ourselves in the shoes of people who have undergone sexual abuse, we might end up being completely “LOST”. We have been hearing a lot of cases of sexual abuse. But I am sure that the known cases are like the tip of an ice berg – only 10% of the ice is visible to the human eye. Rest is hidden.

A girl is compared to a flower – soft and sensitive. The family adorns her like a princess. They are safe and secured inside the family cocoon. And she emerges as a butterfly – colorful, attractive and free. But is she safe outside her cocoon?

In current cases, is she safe in the cocoon?

When a girl under goes such a trauma, what happens?

Molestation could be life changing – obviously in the bad sense. People who have undergone the same lose their grip on daily activity, schedules and responsibilities. All they think is about the incident. All they see the replay of the incident. All they feel is the sensation on the skin which haunts them to death. Though they have people around them, they always feel lonely. They are continuously tortured by memories of the incident.

But in spite of all these, why don’t the girls open up to the people around? What stops them from doing the same?

Fear: of harsh words and taunts.
Shame: of having undergone the incident.

We can end up saying that facing such an incident wasn’t their fault. But she was the one who has undergone it. She needs a helping hand to overcome this stress. But what do the people around give her?

- Blame her.
- Taunt her with harsh words complaining about her carelessness.
- Bruise her more – mentally – suggesting better ways in which she could have handled the situation.

But is this what she needs? Aren’t these like adding more fuel to the fire which is actually consuming her tranquility?

Why are these incident dramatized so much?

- Is media trying to bring these into the lime light just for the sake of advertisement?
- Is the law and order handling these incidents, as they have to be?

The victim hesitates so much to open this up to her immediate family. She hardly does. Even when she does she gets weird responses from the circle. The most frequently suggested option would be to launch a complaint regarding the assault. But,

- Is that going to solve the problem?
- Is it going to ease her of the pain?
- Is it going to soothe her?
- Worst of all, will she be safe after complaining about the incident?

Let us have another perspective of these sexual assaults.

Are these assaults happening only in our country? Why are we so affected psychologically when we undergo such situations?

Will a western-woman face the same mindset when she faces such a situation? If no, then is the problem rooting down to the culture we have always been proud about?

Note: No offence meant.