Clarity (தெளிவு)

கை பிடி இதயத்தில்..
கடல் அளவு நினைவுகள்..

உதவாத சிப்பியிலோ..
முத்தான ஒரு நல்முத்து..

மனம் வெறுக்கும் சேற்றிலே..
அழகாய் மலர்ந்த தாமரை..

இருட்டி மிரட்டும் இரவிலே..
சுகமாய் ஜொலிக்கும் நிலவு..

ஆற்பரிக்கும் அலைகளிலே..
அழகாய் மிதக்கும் ஓடம்..

உடல் வறுத்தும் வாரத்தில்..
சுகமாய் ஒரு Sunday..

நினைத்துப்பார்.. மனம்
நினைப்பதை பிரித்துப்பார்..

இன்பம் தொலைவில் இல்லை..
துன்பம் அருகில் இல்லை..
பயம் தேவை இல்லை..

தொடு வானம் கூட..
தொடும் தூரத்தில் தானே..!


When the going gets tough..
The tough gets going too..

~ Krithika @ Hema

Elixir

Life was at its worst state. Pranathi had lost all hope and grip. Pranathi had started breaking down for silly things and felt depressed for every incident. When she had thought that there was no further moving ahead, he came into Pranathi’s life... like an Elixir.

Ram...

May be a small name... but a really strong person... with a clear thought process...
Pranathi joined a new company and was seated in the “BENCH” for a span of few weeks. But, the idle times were actually adding more fuel to the burning fire in Pranathi. She was fighting her final steps to win her love. Karthik’s parents had given a bit of hope to but her parents seemed to be unmoved. Karthik wasn’t giving up but, Pranathi felt it was high time to be sure of what to do further. And then, the day came.

Both the parents met to have a brief talk about what to do further. The talk ended up negative.

Pranathi was shattered. She fainted and collapsed in the road back home and was admitted to the hospital for emergency care. She stayed in bed for a day and got back home. She tried to set herself to norms. But was vain...

Pranathi lost interest in everything – interacting, learning, eating, dressing up... She was lost.

She was moved into a project along with Ram and few others, which actually involved learning of few new technologies. Pranathi struggled to concentrate and eventually gave up the learning process.

One day, when she walked into a cabin, she saw Ram, learning and taking notes. She walked towards him not knowing that those steps were actually going to be her steps towards a new horizon.

Ram and Pranathi didn’t get along well at the beginning. They just conversed for the purpose. Ram offered Pranathi to join his lunch team and since then, Pranu never ate alone. One day, Pranu broke down and wept to Ram – crying out, narrating her entire life to him.

Ram remained silent for a few minutes. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He understood her state within that conversation – Loneliness caused by lack of - confidence, self esteem and courage.

“I have something to tell you...” Ram spoke. Pranathi raised her wet eyes and looked at him.

“Life, is short. It is a gift to us. Do not waste it in your tears. Look up, Look far and march. There is no goal which is not reachable. Look at your-SELF as a separate individual. Do things to keep SELF engaged, happy and charming. Do not search for happiness and peace outside. Pursue it within. Loneliness is your partner only when you don’t accompany your SELF. ”

Pranathi’s eyes widened and gleamed with life. Her tears dried and her sniffs and weeps gradually reduced. Ram held Pranthi’s hands and said...


“Life is to live... One life, Live it...”

Variety and Vividness

Pranathi walked stealthily close to Anupama and... “BOO...”

Anupama stood stunned and then she smiled whole heartedly looking at Pranathi.

“How are you Anups?” Pranathi questioned as she checked for the arrival the Tirumalpur Express.

“I am ok Pranu. I missed the 7:15 CGL train in a whisker.” Anu’s face resembled the frowning smiley.

“I wanted to take the same. But my mom was not keeping well. I helped her in Kitchen and so it got delayed. Hey, the train has come. Come on.”

They boarded the train which was partially crowded and sat together. Anupama and Pranathi had been classmates and the former possessed an awesome relationship with Karthik too. Anupama had completed her post graduation and had joined Infy a few months before Pranathi.

Anupama’s dad was no more and she had 2 siblings – Amrutha and Akshay. Pranathi had heard from Karthik, how Anupama had tackled very complicated situations at home. She, being the sole bread winner had been supporting her family in spite of the hectic conditions at work. She was extremely capable in multi tasking and had been coping up with all weird twists of life. She had been projected to Pranu as a ‘heroine’ by Karthik.

When they were close to reaching office, Anupama offered to take the short route to the shuttle services – Jump off the train in the opposite side of the platform, walk amidst the shrubs and reach the pathway in less than 3 minutes.

“Anups...!” Pranathi’s voice was almost a scream.

“No other option Pranu. Walking the entire way out might take more than fifteen minutes. Look at the crowd. My god..!” Anupama shrugged her shoulders helplessly.

Pranu made up her mind. She watched Anupama proceed with ease and just followed her. They reached the shuttle in a very short span of time.

“Fun..!” Anupama’s voice was filled with enthusiasm as they boarded the shuttle.

“Awesome feeling Anups. Thanks a ton.” Pranu smiled comfortably. ‘Yes, I am feeling so light..!’

“A simple change. That is all. Variety makes life vivid.” Anupama spoke as they reached office.

Pranathi waved to Anupama and walked her way up the building. ‘Variety’ she murmured.

- She took the stairs to her floor.
- She changed her hair style and wore a pony.
- She heard some peppy music before she entered her cabin.

And began the day with lot of changes. Though she had hectic schedules and tight timelines, the day went on very fine. Even at the end of the day, she felt energetic and lively. On the way back, she texted Anupama - ‘You made my day. Thank you so much.’

Two words flashed in her mind. ‘Variety’ and ‘Vividness’.

Moving Away

“So?” His voice quivered.

“So, guess this is the last time I see you from here.” She completed the sentence in a go.

“Hmmm...”

“You can be relieved that thereafter there will be none to pester you; to peep out of your home, to wave while leaving your home; to look while you enter and...” Her eyes were filling up.

“Will you please shut up?” and Beep... Beep... Beep...

She was as disturbed as he was and even more. Her parents had looked out for a home a few streets away and they were shifting the next weekend. he had come to Chennai on an official trip and thereby was at his home. They were talking to each other over the phone; looking directly over the road and the intermediate walls. She was a bit more restless because he would not be available the next day when she would be leaving the home... finally... That home - which had been the main reason for their relationship. Hadn’t she shifted there in 2000, they wouldn’t have been together now.

The last few weeks of the relationship between them weren’t a cake walk. Having told the elders about their liking for each other a year before and their negative stand till then, complicated the situation of long distance relationship. Both of them felt extremely insecure in the other’s absence and the longing for being together increased exponentially.

They met that day in a coffee shop, expecting a lot to happen over a cup. Silence and solitude filled the air till he opened up.

“So, you are going...”

“Hmmm... Yes. The shifting is almost done. May be we have to shuttle a few times through the week for things like AC, Netlon covers, geyser etc. But apart from that...” Her eyes met his and her words froze. She couldn’t continue further. She just looked deep into his eyes.

“Don’t go. Please.” His voice was feeble.

Tears trickled down her cheeks. It pained in her throat and she felt suffocated. She wanted to say something but she hardly could.

“Please...” His eyes became moist. It was paining for him too.

“I don’t want to. But...” She couldn’t finish the sentence. Her lashes fluttered and lips shivered in the controlled emotional state.

He stared at her for a few seconds. He then removed eye contact with her, winked away his tears and spoke out...

“Anywhere you go, I am there with you. We are made for each other and we will live together happily. Don’t worry. ” She was astonished by the sudden emotional twist. She was surely feeling better.

He continued. “Every time I come to Chennai, I will walk through your home and you will still be the first dear one who I meet in Chennai.” He paused and rose to his feet. He took her in his arms and whispered into her ears.

“I'm there for you...”

May Be Really

“Why not today?” Pranathi was completely restless. She tried to control her pitch but it was an unworthy try.

“No, please. Not today. Next time when I meet you in person I will surely tell you.” Paritosh tried to escape.

“No, you tell me now or else I will never be bothered about it.”

“No, please.” Paritosh’s voice was almost a plead.

Pranathi felt a bit turned down but she didn’t want to make a big fuss about that conversation. So, she went on discussing about something else.

Paritosh and Pranathi had met in the campus in a project level technology training and had become good friends just then. Being her initial few days in the campus, Pranathi also hadn’t got along well with many people. Paritosh gave her company most of the times. They had got along really well in a few days but he had to leave to Bangalore, his base branch that night.

While parting, Parit said, “You are an angel. I love you sis. You are the second person whom I had said ‘love you’ to. Thanks for everything” and presented a sketch pad to her.

Parit was one of his kind – extremely talented but absolutely carefree. His sketches were amazing and the most interesting thing was that he could make them all in “MS Paint”.

Parit and Pranu continued to be in touch on calls and messages but she hadn’t expected Parit to have loved someone. She found him too sweet and but was not sure about his ‘love life’. She had asked him about his love a few days after he had left from Chennai and that’s when this argument had happened.

A few days later, Parit called Pranathi.

“Hi sis…”

“Hi, baby bro… what’s up?”

“Angry with me?” Pranu breathed long.

“Not actually. You didn’t want to reveal. You didn’t reveal. I am fine.” She spoke from her mouth.

“I am very sorry. But please understand.” – Parit

“Parit, tell me. What is stopping you from sharing with me?” Pranathi spoke out.

“Sis, you have lot of problems. Then why add up mine too to it?”

“…”

“Pranu?”

“Parit, let me tell you something. A person will feel contented in a relationship only when the innermost darkest shades are shared. If you don’t find the person worthy, it is fine. But make sure that the person never knows about it because, to them, you could be the most worthy. It would hurt if they realize that you were holding up few things when they shared every cell of them. ”

“…”

“Parit? You der?”

“Yes” – His voice was feeble.

“Sorry if I had hurt you.”

“That’s fine sis. Thanks”

“Thanks for what baby bro?” – Pranu smiled.

“I wish I were your sibling”

Pranathi’s lips curved a bit. She was hearing that statement for the third time.

Nets’s, Jittu’s and Parit’s images flashed in front of her eyes.

May be she really was a good sister..!!

Changes

“Today is the day...” Pranathi checked her bag for the documents that she was carrying. She could feel the tension building inside her.

She had cleared the interview under great pressure and need and had switched from her initial company just for cutting down the pin pointing words from her immediate elders. Though she didn’t want to, the switch had been compelled upon her from various sources and means.

The first impression she held after arriving at the campus was – “AWESOME”.

The campus was completely green and well maintained according to the ecological cycle. The gardening work was done at its own perfection levels and the cycles parked outside the buildings added more vividness. The food courts were large and posh. The roadsides had trees planted along the way and the entire area resembled a forest.

Pranu completed two days of lateral entry induction but still found the environment unfriendly and vacuum. She went to meet up her unit HR along with 3 other guys who possessed at least double her years of experience. Deepak, her unit HR added more to her disappointment by clubbing her with the most experienced person of the group. As per schedule, she made herself available for training sessions the next day. The systems in the training room were already picked up by others who had attended the trainings in the previous days.

Pranu seated herself in the last row not sure of her further actions. The trainer walked into the room and the session began. When it switched over to an on hand work out, the trainer suggested to share the available working desktops. Pranathi decided to seat herself in the row ahead of her unaware of the fact that, the switch was going to leave a lifelong impression.

“Hi...” She spoke out hesitantly. The guy just looked up accompanied by another pair of eyes too.
“Can I” She showed the chair. “Share your” she pointed towards the monitor.
“Yes please.” He moved inwards letting her to have a look at the monitor.
“I am Pranathi. Lateral joiner.” She introduced herself.
“I am Deepu.” They shook hands.

Then during the session she questioned about a few terminologies for which Deepu tried answering with the help of Google. Pranathi also got introduced to another person seated close by who was Rajeev. They opened up saying that they had come from Trivandrum for the training and would leave back just after the training was over.

From a few sentences on the first day, their talking grew bit by bit. The days following the first weekend were emotional ones in which they got to know each other better. They spared more time for each other and got well together. They became the most talkative team among the entire batch.

Pranathi carried lunch for Deepu after sharing it for a day. The bond thickened after discussing about each other’s personal life, likes, wants and dreams. Deepu offered to buy lunch for Pranu on the last day of his stay. They all partied with a pizza and got back to the session. But things were turning out to be emotional. He signed her “10 rupee” note and she gave him back a design that she had made long time before.

He walked her to the shuttle location. They spoke for a minute and then it was time for them to part. They shook hands and it was an emotional moment for both of them.

Pranathi looked up and through the glass of the shuttle, it was a glaring view – She was crying. "Change is the only thing that doesn't change". She thought and felt the depth of the saying.

In me is you

My wings are ready to fly...
My mind says to retry...
But my heart just ready to cry...
And my eyes completely dry...

I stay lost in thoughts day and night...
Never in track of sound and light...
When people say to sleep tight...
I just try to my might...

Dark dreams poke... Weird characters mock...
Nights seem endless... Tear lines not less...
Emptiness all around... Pain no bound...
Nights crawl with no sound...
My heart holds you as a deep wound...

All I think is only about you...
All that matters is only you...
Because in me is you...
And I still love you...

Giving Up

Pranathi had given a missed call to Swetha to wish for her “Thala Pongal”. It was more than 48 hours and she hadn’t received a call till then.

Pranathi was desperate to talk to her for many reasons including the fact that she was under tremendous pressure to accept one among few alliances chosen by her parents. In spite of telling her parents that she was in love with her best friend, they seemed to be least bothered about her state of mind.

Pranathi always felt that Swetha was the best person to whom she could share her inner most feeling and thought. Their talking continued even after - Swetha was married; Swetha moved to the US with her hubby; Swetha was physically ill.

Swetha and Pranathi were school classmates in their higher secondary and by luck Pranathi moved into the same apartment as that of Swetha during her TCS Mumbai tenure. They became very close friends from then.
Pranathi took a transfer to Chennai due to her family conditions and she was followed by Swetha for medical reasons. Swe had some critical complications in her reproductive system due to which she had to undergo an operation for the same. The operation was successful but she was advised to get married and moved ahead as soon as possible due to the criticality.

Badri, whom Swe’s parents had chosen for her was really a very sweet fellow. His dad had passed away a few months before when they both got engaged. Their family was very supportive with respect to Swetha’s health conditions and the marriage was fixed.

Swe had presented Pranu with a saree for her marriage. Pranu took the best initiative to look the best in Swe’s marriage. After all, she was the “Mana Penn Thozi”. Days before the marriage weren’t as happy as expected for Swe as she suffered from fever and neck gland swelling due to excessive cold. She had to be moved to the marriage hall directly from the hospital.

Pranu got a gold ring for Swe and made herself available for Swe’s betrothal (the day before her marriage). Pranu’s cousin passed away on the day of the marriage so she left just after the marriage ceremony. She couldn’t attend the reception and she hadn’t worn the saree till then.

Pranu felt the pink saree which sat still packed, in the top shelf of her bero. Her eyes moistened.
The newly married couple left to Maldives for honeymoon. The trip also didn’t turn out to be a success as Swe couldn’t get accustomed to the change in climate.

Swe moved to Bangalore with her in-laws after the trip. Just then, she underwent various tests at one of the leading test lab in Bangalore for her swollen gland. The tests proved negative for cancer and TB. It was identified to be viral infection and the entire family sat back and breathed.

After a few days of her trial to become normal, she slipped and fell in the bathroom. After undergoing pain for a week’s time, she was admitted to the hospital for verification. There came down another blow: Her neck and spine had got damaged due to incorrect sitting posture or excessive travel. Her neck muscle had become very vulnerable and strained due to which her hand and shoulder had swollen.

She was advised complete bed rest for duration of 3 months. Badri and her in-laws supported her and helped her to overcome the stress. Badri had to travel to the US on an urgent official work. Swe stayed back due to her health conditions.
Badri came back to India for performing the final rituals of his dad. During the visit, Badri got all the documents ready for Swe’s travel with him to the US. The travel was confirmed after verification with the doctors.

The couple moved to SunnyWales and the family relaxed a bit expecting the change in location as a positive sign towards Swe’s health. Badri very soon got in touch with few doctors about her health and she underwent many check-ups. She was suggested physiotherapy as the only option but was informed that it would be a very gradual slow recovery process as her condition was close to operating state.

Pranu and Swe spoke at least for few hours in a week. They nourished their relationship through the telecommunication technologies. Their bond thickened unusually quickly.

Pranathi’s mobile vibrated and then hummed “Nalam vazha” guitar tune. Her face brightened.

“Swe...” Pranathi pitched her voice a bit high.
“Hello...” A cracked voice spoke from the other end.
“What happened dear?” Pranu enquired.
“Acute pain” was the reply.
“Why suddenly?” Pranathi questioned.

“I am fed up Pranu. I have been undergoing pain for the past 1 year and even after coming here things did not turn up as expected. I am supposed to be here for helping Badri but I am causing more trouble to him. He does everything including cooking. The most irritating fact is that I am not even letting him sleep at nights as the pain shoots up at that time. I scream and cry all through the night and Badri stays up to give me company. I sleep off just before the dawn and he leaves for work completing all the household work. I feel so useless. I came with him here to support him but what is happening is the reverse. I have become a burden to everyone around me.” Swe completed with a sniff. It continued and became weeps.

Pranathi took a long breathe. Swetha’s argument was perfectly logical. But she felt, Swe was lacking something trivial but very basic and important. Pranathi tried to analyze.

‘She has given up...!’ – Pranathi’s heart poked through her thought process. She started speaking.
“Swe dear, relax. I don’t mean to say what you say is wrong. But I just feel you have given up. Right?”
“Hmmm... May be.”
“Swe, Let me narrate an incident. You know that I lost my left index finger in an accident right?”
“Yes”

“Let me narrate it completely. It happened on Feb 21, 2005 close to 7:30 in the evening. It was a Sunday. I was taken to a hospital close by for first aid and immediate patch up. The doctors there tried to stitch the amputed finger. They gave me 6 injections for pain relief and 21 stitches in the amputed area. After waiting for an hour, the reflexive reaction tests proved negative, which meant the amputed section had lost sensation. The hospital wasn’t holding specialists in plastic surgery. So they moved me to another hospital which was supposed to be specializing in plastic surgery. Time was 9:30 pm when they admitted me.”

Pranathi continued. “My parents were informed by 8:45 while I was being moved to the speciality hospital. So, they were not able to catch the Blue mountain train. They caught the next train and reached at 7 am next morning. The operation was supposed to be done within 6 hours of amputation to assure sure patch up. The operation was scheduled at 11:45 in the night.” Pranathi breathed. Her legs felt weak and so she sat down.

“A nurse got me a wheel chair to move me to the operation theatre. I offered to walk. I walked to the operation theatre and sat on the operation table. The nurse gave me a local anesthetia and asked me to relax and sleep. I looked around and the time was 40 minutes past mid night.”

“When I opened my eyes next time 3 doctors were working on my amputed area. I kept talking to them about everything that came to my mind. Suddenly I told them that my left elbow was feeling very chill. After a few minutes, I told them that i was feeling a sensation of tickle in my left wrist. One of the doctors panicked and injected me another local anesthesia. They said, the duration of the dosage was supposed to be for 4 hours but had lost the effect due to excessive pressure and stress.”

“After sometime the doctors showed the sign of victory to me and walked out. I relaxed assuming everything was fine. The clock was racing towards 2:30 AM. They hospital staff moved me to post operation ward. I tried opening my eyes and saw a few known figures which included none of my blood relations. I saw two of my friends, my local guardian, hostel warden and few of my college staff. I spoke a few words and dozed off.”

“When I woke up the next morning, my friends helped me to brush my teeth and got something to drink. Then the head doctor walked into the room and asked others to leave. He sat close to me and started speaking. He informed me that the amputed section of finger had lost the sensation and so they couldn’t fix it back. What they had done was removed flesh and skin from the same finger and closed the finger opening. I tried to understand. He further said that growth of the finger or the nail was not going to be possible as the tissues had got completely smashed. He said that my finger would be 8mm less than the usual and looked into my eyes. My eyes were full of tears. I thought for a minute and told him not to tell my parents regarding the finger amputation.”

“My dad visited me close to 8:30 am and started crying. I consoled him asked him to discharge me as soon as possible and to take me to Chennai. I reached Chennai the next day amidst acute pain. My parents didn’t know about the loss of finger till the doctors suggested for removal of the bandage which was in the last week of March. I am still undergoing shocking sensation in the finger and it is going to persist through my life. I am not using my left index for anything and is useless even to hold a pencil.”

Pranathi closed her eyes and handled her emotional stage. She spoke again.

“If we are undergoing pain, it is only us who has to. There cannot be a substitute for us. People with us can just support us. They might try to understand our pain but they actually cannot. We have to face it and there is no other option for it. We shouldn’t give up our hope and confidence. They add up to our strength to withstand pain. They help us to overcome the pain as soon as possible. We have to be grateful to God for giving us people to support to us in case of pain. There are millions of people who do not have anyone to support them. They don’t have a shoulder to lean on. They don’t have a friend to share. They don’t have a hubby to cook for them. They don’t have parents to pray for them. They don’t have money to undergo tests. They don’t even have an opportunity to visit the doctor. We have them all. We are gifted Swe...”

“Thank you so much Pranu.” Swe’s voice was full of live and emotions. She cut the call after a few more minutes of talking.

Pranathi closed her eyes and tried to recollect whatever she had spoken a few minutes back. May be it was not for Swe alone, but for her too...

Twist

She was a very sweet person.

She considered the perception of everyone.

She put herself in others shoes and decided.

She was very caring from heart.

She was approachable always.

She was very lovable.

She was punctual most of the times.

She used to complete every single responsibility of hers before she left to her office. Even there she was admired as one among the best.

She used to go behind her principles which were always towards the perfection. She was almost a perfectionist.

She was sensitive, emotional and sentimental and she was harsh by action. She used to keep pointing out the mistakes done be anybody for that matter of fact.

She used to cry to sleep most of the times when there were fights with her dear ones. But her tears were never heard.

She handled everything in her life by herself. She faced all problems single handed.

She had a very clean thought about life. Principles made her living. When she had to choose between a person and principle, she chose the latter. Always…

She always wanted things around her to be perfect just the way she was. But when it wasn’t up to her expectations she yelled at others. What was important to her was perfection not the person who was doing it.

She sustained all the pain and problems just for her daughter. Not that her daughter was the top of her priority list, but she wanted to mould her daughter just the way she was not or the way she wanted to be. A Winner…

She wanted her daughter to be the way she wanted to be or the way she dreamt about herself. She tried pushing her dreams to her daughter but most of the times failed. Failures started making her more rigid, stubborn and harsh.

Her daughter confessed to her she was in love with a person who was younger to her by few weeks.

Another failure… She wasn’t ready to give up then. She fought. She yelled. She wounded everyone.

She believed in predictions rather than words or prayers. Horoscope matching was more important to her than her daughter’s conscience.

She stuck to her belief of dharma (not that she was wrong) when her daughter tried to prove her love. The daughter’s request was not heard at all as she clung to her principles and beliefs about marriage.

Seconds… Minutes… Hours… Days… Weeks… Months… A year passed by…

She still stuck to her principles.

The daughter had to choose between her love and her mom. She didn’t explain anything to her love but just cut off her contacts with him.

They moved to another home away from their previous.

She searched for a ‘horoscope matching’ guy for the daughter. She presented the guy to the daughter for her approval and what she got was just a head shake as acknowledgement.

She hoped that the daughter got out of her love. She prayed for the daughter’s memory loss.

The marriage was fixed and happened as per her dreams.

She got the daughter married to the guy (of her choice). Her first victory…

She lay in her bed that night and her heart was peaceful for the first time ever in her life. She rejoiced about her first ever victory. She thanked her daughter and dozed off.


On the other hand…

The daughter stood out in the balcony staring at the moon.

She turned back to look at her husband who was sleeping. A stranger…

She felt her neck for some thread hanging. It was yellow in colour and had gold pendants.

She was tired after the long stressful day.

She was tired of acting.

She was tired of controlling her tears.

She looked at the moon again. Her eyes became wet.

She closed her eyes and tears rolled down her cheeks.

She searched her draw for something. Her face brightened when she got it.


There…

He looked at the fan which was swirling above his head.

He heard someone calling out his name but couldn’t see anyone around.

He opened the window and saw the moon.

His eyes became heavy and his throat went dry.

He searched his draw for something. His face brightened when he got it.


Next Day…

Obituary column:

The Guy : Time - 1 AM
&
The Daughter : Time - 1 AM

Because.. She still lives in me

My eyes stayed stuck to the key chain... Her name was imprinted on it...

My throat and ears hurt. I put it back in the draw and walked out of the room - A sign of incapacity to handle my emotional tremble. A wry smile played over my lips.

I locked my room and started to office. I moved close to my bike – Her image flashed in the back seat. I felt my heart skip a beat. I kicked my bike to start unable to kick her thoughts out. My heart and eyes still heavy with her memory.

My thoughts crawled:



It has been a few months since I met her. I did undergo the stage of depression and loneliness initially...

- unable to sleep
- unable to concentrate at work
- unable to mingle with friends
- unable to listen to songs
- unable to watch TV
- unable to participate in celebrations
- unable to get along with parents
- unable to accept the vacuum
- Actually - unable to let her go off my mind

It was all because of her. Because...

She was not a part of my life but she was it and made it worth and meaningful.

She did not add flavour to my life but she was the actual taste of it.

She did not love me but made me feel what love was.

She did not live with me but made me live life.

She just asked me one thing – to convince my parents for their marriage. I failed in the mission. Thanks to my dad and his ego. I ended up being alone – orphaned by fate – devoid of life in life.

But now things are not showing up. But the wound is not yet healed. The pain is invisible but is still alive.

Moving through the road everyday, my eyes always scan trying to find a location which does not remind me of her.

Every single smile, every single flower, every single drop of water, every single bike ride, every single night, every single song, everything reminds me of her.

She dominates me, my daily schedule, my life, my thoughts, my memories - my everything.

Because... She still lives in me...