Who am I to him?

‘Who am I to him?’ I sat up, confused.

‘I become more caring, when it comes to him.’
‘Every time I see him, I feel contented.’
’I don’t get to analyse the views of the society when I get to spend time with him.’

Thoughts crowded my brain… As usual…

Still unable to identify an answer for the question, I moved away from the bed, very much irritated.

Hi… Good morning… Coming for a walk? I texted him.

‘What am I doing? Why am I not able to control myself? Why am I not sticking on to my decisions? Why is this happening to me? This is not fair. I am confused about this relationship. How can I go ahead and pursue it with a whole heart?’

Again… Lost in thoughts…

Good morning. Just woke up. Yeah, I will make it. See you close to the temple.

I stood there staring at the message. ‘Another day, which is going to add on to my confusion.’ I sighed.

As we walked, we spoke about the day’s plan. Being cousins, visualizing characters and homes was indeed very easy for us.

In a crossing, I held his arm close to his shoulders and made him cross the road, with me.
We entered a vegetable mart, to buy some veggies.
I helped him find the good ones.
I didn’t let him pay for it.
I didn’t let him carry the bags.
Back home, I advised him about his career.
I helped him with some drink.
I made sure it wasn’t hot and tasted proper, before I served it to him.
I made sure he hadn’t spilt it on himself.
I got the cup from him to wash it.

‘He isn’t a small boy. He is big enough to manage himself. He has even got a job, in his campus and is yet to join. He is taller than me and looks hefty too. But why am I behaving like this?’ Not able to control my thoughts and deeds, moved from the kitchen to the living room.

I looked up at his face. He smiled back at me and said,
“You seem more parental”.

'Parental'. The word echoed in my mind.

“You hold my hand and help me cross. You don’t let me pay or carry the bags. You check the taste and the temperature before you serve the drink. You advise me on my career.” He paused.

“You just look younger. I feel like being with my mom, when I am with you.”

His statement clarified my confusion.